Secular Sage

As a newcomer to the UK, who was schooled abroad, I was clueless on the schooling system. It seemed crazy to me that parents would sign their kids up to schools on the day they were born. Or move houses, sometimes miles outside of London, to get into the right catchment areas. It was an obsession for many and I couldn’t understand it at first. To this day, I think the obsession is exactly that, an obsession, and taken too seriously by many. Nevertheless, the debate raged, some would advocate for private schools at almost all costs, other wealthy parents would send their kids to the nearest state school out of principle. We had to navigate the system with little experience and vastly differing opinions on both sides of the spectrum in our friendship circle.

We were lucky in that we could not afford private school through the primary school years, and that we landed by chance in the catchment for the best primary school in the area, one of the best in the area. But as we built our wealth up from nothing, we eventually earned the pain of having to make some tough decisions. Paying school fees for even one kid, never mind both was by no means straight forward but it was just about feasible. Initially we made the financially sensible choice of keeping my oldest in the state system, moving her to a reputable secondary school in an area that we always wanted to live anyway. Things were ok in the beginning but after a couple of years we started to question our decision. It was a build up of social encounters with questionable young girls in the school, extreme political and social views with zero tolerance for disruptive thought, even from the teaching staff, disruptive classes (she is a studious kid, she wants to learn) and often boring classes resulting from teaching staff who were generally very good but, wether by will or pressure, served the lowest common denominator. For example, there was no setting of classes, even for mathematics.

This and other factors led us eventually to have her write the test for a selective private school where she won one of two spaces, despite her learning environment uk to that point, she worked really hard, she wanted out.

It was a stretch for us but it was clear to us that it was the best thing if indeed it was a possible thing and it was at that point, at a stretch. The move was transformative. It’s not that there were not issues (there always are amount young girls in particular) but the learning environment was cheese from chalk. Girls were motivated, they wanted to be there, they wanted to learn, they expected to go places.

We have since had to navigate secondary school choices for my son and have just concluded on my daughter’s sixth form move. We have learned a lot through the process, about partners and children and schools. We have done probably 50+ tours over the years (we secretly love them, I find them so interesting). My wife has also worked at a dozen schools, mostly with special needs children. We have not exhausted London school experiences but we have got about as much of a share as parents of two kids could have. That said, everyone’s experiences are different and we have to adjust for the uniqueness of our experience as compared to what might be generally expected due to the fundamentals. One could have a terrible experience in a heady private school, and we know many kids who have, and one can have a great experience in a state school, like my kids did in their primary years.

So what have we learned?

In general, private schools are worth it if you can afford them, and if you have the sense to match your kid to the right school instead of aiming for the school they are supposed to be in.

There are a few reasons in my mind for this statement:

1. Better social environment
2. More challenging academic environment
3. More motivated and ambitious environment
4. (At some of the better private schools) A thinking environment where students are encouraged, and teachers and students support, critical and alternate thinking
5. That confident can-do private school attitude where students are built up and encouraged to believe in themselves

I think many of these factors reflect the different environments more generally. That said, there are a few obvious exceptions. Private schools have the luxury of being able to embark on the extremities of what would otherwise be a healthy learning environment. This could be reflected in extremely lasse fare education where children are indulged. On the flip side, some of these schools churn out regurgitating heads on sticks who are not taught to challenge or really understand content. This should be scoped out properly during the exploration phase, good signs are where rigorous, challenging and interesting extra-curricular activities are prioritised and when the students and teachers give off the vibe of being smart and thoughtful, expected and able to think on their feet. For example, the school my daughter has chosen for A-levels didn’t even have have a written test as they have no interest in a child’s ability to recite large volumes of information, something AI is increasingly able to do seamlessly, or discriminate based on specific knowledge that one kid may or may mot have acquired compared to another, but instead aim to understand what children are able to do with the knowledge they have. Private schooling is not a slam dunk, but on overall, if well selected for one’s child, I believe they generate the advantages discussed below.

Having said all of this, what I believe trumps all other factors is a child’s ingrained sense of responsibility. No matter what the circumstances, we have the ability to rise above them, even use them to our advantage. I was not privately educated as we could not afford it. From year 3, we could not even afford the cheaper government sponsored schools in South Africa where I was brought up. As a result, I studied via correspondence where books were posted to me and I studied solo, experiencing exam type settings for the first time when o wrote my finals at the nearest venue. I put myself through university through student loans which my dad’s boss thankfully signed surety for given my parents precocious financial situation. No matter what happens, it is my responsibility as a parent, like my dad did, to teach and model for my kids that blame shifting and victimhood is of no value whatsoever and should never be entertained for more than 5 seconds.