Secular Sage

I amaze myself in how easily I succumb to my environment. I behave in line with how I should behave instead of how I otherwise would behave. 

Now there are times when this is necessary to a degree, for example meeting the in-laws for the first time might call upon some mild authenticity restraint fairly. But if 20 years on in my marriage I am still subjected to the expectations of my in-laws something has gone devistateingly  wrong. At some point we cannot act otherwise, like the boiling frog or the jumping flea, what we stop doing we eventually can no longer do. I would argue that this is equally true of our work environments, and certainly romantic relationships and those of children and their parents. One simply spends too much time in these environments to think that you can survive unscathed. I have reached this revelation yet again, and how often I do and need to be reminded. In a moment of frustration I act authentically and feel alive, while everyone around me celebrates the act, wishing they could see more of this side of me. 

To some extent we are environmental creatures, we cannot and should not always rage against our environments. At some point we need to make the hard choices to change it. Ones ability to rail against the environment and ones ability to change it are very highly correlated. I have heard it said that the most important decisions we make are who to marry and where to live. This is a lesson in environmentalism. No two things will affect my environment more than these! They are also very costly to change, so get them right. Authenticity is also the man or woman who speaks truthfully about how they feel, where they want to go and what they want to do and what they are looking for.

Jordan Petersen suggests that we should always speak the truth, come what may. This is the same authenticity, silence is never the answer, it kicks the can down the road at best. The better analogy would be a snowball of resentment. At work, in the home, in marriage. Always with grace but always out of a deep conviction that I am at my best and others most benefit when I am, to coin a phrase from John the Apostle, full of grace and truth.

There are many reasons why we do not act authentically, why we allow our environments to dictate. Mostly this comes down to fear, typically fear of loss – a job, a spouse, kids, money – or rejection – from friends, the community, the culture. 

One should act with love, courage and a clear mind. But most importantly, one should always act lest your life become another’s story